"You're a really nice girl... but..."

Sometimes I imagine the inside of my heart looks like this: 

Damp. Cold. Dark. 

And I hide there occasionally when I feel the need to console myself and lick my proverbial wounds. Usually I'm  etching a tally into the wall marking the Xth time I've heard the "you're a really nice girl" speech. Somehow, I believe it helps me stay sane. (If sanity is imagining your heart as a dark, cold, cellar that is.)

The speech is all too familiar, and easy to construct. It starts off with a "Don't get me wrong..." or one of it's variations. This, to me, is like the "we need to talk" line that makes any man nervous. It brings a sudden anticipation, or fear, for your ego. The orator will then typically add some fluffy compliment like "...you are wonderful/awesome/special/beautiful" Or "You are a really nice friend/person/human-being/girl". 

This line isn't important though, because it's always followed with a "but", and anyone who understands basic language composition knows "but" counteracts anything you just said. It's what comes after the "but" that matters. 

Usually, before they even take their next breath I'm digging around for rocks to drag along the cold, hard, wall of my heart. 

"Please understand... you're so awesome... but I just don't want to risk our friendship" 

Uh huh. I've also fallen victim to the "you're too awesome for me" line, but it's all cowardice. You know what? I have enough friends... Crap or get off the pot, friend. 

"Hear me out... I think you're really beautiful... but I'm gay."  

... Sadly, all the good ones are. 

"Don't get me wrong... you're a really nice girl... I'm just more interested in your friend." 

This would be my latest addition to the cellar wall. 

This guy had promise. Or so I thought. Things got weird around February 14th (which is to be expected), and we had a conversation about dating. No less than 24 hours after he told me "I'm just not ready to be in a relationship" I found that his relationship status on facebook had changed. (God bless social networking!) 


I was reeling with confusion but only had about a minute to think it through before things quickly evolved (as they often do in my neck of the woods) and his status hinted at "Engagement". Flabbergasted by this point, I was about to express my shocked-congratulation (with a white flag) when his status changed once again to "Single". 

(It really, almost literally, happened that fast.)

We had dinner earlier this week and he told me the tragic tale behind his whirlwind status jumping. (A classic plot of man #2 wishing he were man #1, but never quite making the cut.) It was sometime between the appetizer and main course he admitted he was ready to move on. It was over desert that he started to talk about "us". He wanted to insure I had not felt "mislead" in any way prior to his dating a tornado... Why? He confessed;

"I really wanted to make sure things were okay between us, because I wouldn't want things to be awkward for us later. Don't get me wrong," he says, and I may have lost all color in my face. "you're a really nice girl.... but I think I'm interested in your friend you introduced me to."

I can't even imagine why that might be awkward. (Sarcasm)  

It's been a few days now and I have mostly recovered. Logically, I understand that I have no desire to be woman #2, nor do I fair well in whirlwinds. Most importantly, my interest in him was long-gone before he uttered the words "Don't get me wrong". It's just that irrational side of me that has to wonder "What is wrong with me?"  

Apparently (and here's the lesson I choose to walk away with) what's wrong is I'm nice. The growing number of tallies don't lie. "You're a nice girl" they say...? well, no more! No sir, not me! I'm going to go steal candy from a babies, kick over garbage cans, ignore old ladies crossing the street, and when I feel particularly nasty? I'm going to slam the door in your face. ... Maybe then I'd actually get a second date.



-Mag