I’m 27 years old. I have 3 diplomas which hang on my wall at home, I know how to budget and account for my own finances, I know how to spell words that sounded like magic spells when I was 5, and I know how to drive a car. This vast amount of knowledge would make a younger version of me stop and stare (what can I say? I was easily impressed as a child). But! Younger me and I had something in common, as far as knowledge gaps go, until just recently.
We both believed the state of Alaska was an Island... you know, completely surrounded by water. Like Australia or Hawaii. - - - I say this last bit to illustrate the fact that at least I know what an island really is, which perhaps makes the above obvious falsehood just that more tragic.
Oh, but I know the truth now. I had a conversation with a friend who plans to make a trip, by car, to Alaska in the coming months. When he told me, I just stared at him incredulously.
“What?” he said, confused my by disbelief.
“You’re going to DRIVE to Alaska?” I said.
“It’s not THAT far. We’ve driven farther.” he said.
“Is there, like, a bridge or something?” I asked, seriously.
“What are you talking about? A bridge? I’m going up through Canada, I do have to cross the border there’s no way around that… no bridges.”
“No, I know that. But what about the water?”
“What about it?”
“How does one DRIVE to an Island?!”
“I’m going to Alaska. It’s not an Island”
“It’s not an Island. Like, at all? Seriously?” (Okay, maybe I didn’t completely understand the whole “island” thing after all)
“Seriously. It’s attached… to Canada. Are you just playing? Did you really think it was an Island?”
“Noooo. Pff, no. …… Maybe.”
And while my friend nearly peed himself laughing at me, I tried to explain myself.
“But! All of the maps! They just have Alaska floating off in the middle of nowhere!” I nearly yelled at him.
More laughter.
“Seriously. Most people get there by boat though, that’s why they have cruises there!.. Right?!” I was pulling at straws here, I knew I was wrong. Oh so very wrong. Alaska was not the Island I always believed it to be.
“How can you really be this old and not know simple geography?” he asked between tears
And then I realized why, I was being punished by God. Because cheaters never win. Ever.
“I cheated on my geography quiz in 5th grade.” I said sheepishly.
“What?”
“I cheated.”
“You… cheated. Well, clearly. How did you ever graduate grade school?” his tone was mildly offensive.
“Shut up. I really wanted to go on the 5th grade campout. I had to pass the ‘50 states’ quiz to go. I had failed it once before because I just don’t study. So I just kept the study guide in my desk and peeked at it when the teacher wasn’t looking.” (And how Mrs. Petersen never caught me is beyond me.)
“I don’t know what to say to you right now. I don’t know which is more unbelievable: The fact that you cheated or that you really thought Alaska was an island.”
It was the only time in school I ever cheated. And I really do think God is punishing me. I can just see him up there, shaking his head in disappointment, and pointing his finger downward at me. “You may never know geography now." He'd say. "You will be cursed to look like an idiot all your life, but especially when your friend wants to drive to Alaska, all because you cheated. Choice and Consequence, my child.”
You know, I really do stink at geography.
I wish I never would have cheated.
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